Odd Job Amrit

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Laid off from his last job, Amrit faced some diminishing prospects. Of course he could have had more possibilities had he not called the police on his employer in a big to get his passport in time to go on a fortnight drug spree. The employer had offered references and even recommendations, all of which were withdrawn later. But a junkie cannot see such long term consequences from his actions.

Hence he wandered Dubai, back from his binge and steadily becoming more sober and facing grim reality.

After he spent days at his former workplace waiting on his final salary settlement, of which he finally got a pittance after falling at the feet of his former boss saying that his water and electricity had been cut, Amrit began applying for work.

His master plan of applying for administrative posts did not quite work out because at 32, he had neither experience nor the looks to sit in such a position, unless you counted the fact that he turned the head of every sex-craved pattan than had an eye for voluptous Brahmins. Amrit was also disappointed to find that few admin roles paid the chunky sum he felt he so richly deserved.

No one was quite sure whether Amrit’s entitlement came from being Brahmin, or from feeling he was owed by the world, or something else. Whatever it was, the man required a nice big salary for doing work he had very little experience at, in a city where people were downsizing constantly.

Though claiming to be in a “bad scene,” Amrit was able to roll back on his girlfriend, living rent-free with her, which was no change from his situation from when he was employed.

Though uncompromising in his search for the above admin jobs, he did after a few weeks try a couple side hustles to get some money in hand.

Maid

His first endeavor was not so much an attempt at getting extra money as much as gaining influence and maybe even being sexually transmitted some cash.

Targeting Cher, a friend of a friend who had just recently kicked out her boy toy for putting his toy in someone else, Amrit one day showed up to her place wearing a plus size sexy maid uniform he bought online using his girlfriend’s credit card. Cher was making a good salary and knew the daughter of one of the estate moguls for whom Amrit was dying to admin.

Trying to be both sexy and useful, Amrit tried to clean up before Cher arrived home by doing some light dusting. His lazy nature got the better of him here and he fell asleep while taking care of the almarah.

Waking up to the sound of Cher’s key creaking, Amrit had just enough time to jump and lie across the dining table promiscuously, using the duster to hide his privates.

She opened the door and screamed. He started and fell to the floor, breaking his elbow and adding to the screaming.

Houseboy

Amrit had previously tried to influence his way into a job in the food industry through his acquaintance David, a screaming evangelical. David had hinted that such a job could be procured if Amrit were to come to church. Having no desire to worship anything other than his own lingam, which he did 5-6 times a day, Amrit had declined the invite.

Instead he straight up asked David to be his houseboy. David accepted, thinking he could force his new houseboy to church.

No such luck. On the first week, before Sunday or even Friday could roll around, Amrit veered off with David’s Denali to show off to his friends.

“Wow yaar, doing well,” they all said, not able to compute that a man who drove a clown car could not all of a sudden own a luxury 4×4.

“Ya man,” Amrit replied, stroking the leather wheel.

He was caught by cops later that night trying to bang a hooker in the Denali.

Real Estate Agent

Not having the wherewithal to apply for the necessary licensing, Amrit tried to illegally list flats for rent.

He had the misfortune of his first showing being a British family. As he talked to them about the advantages of living in Sports City, the family heard not a thing as they, much like his frozen food clients before, stared at his rotund body as it shook and heaved through the explanation.

The salesman represents the brand, and this was not the brand they wanted, being the kind of people that ate organic quinoa.

The family got even more flustered when they actually began listening and heard Amrit’s dirty Indian High School accent.

Amrit showed no more flats after that since he was not a man that could move on from getting a single no.