Cynthia noticed her hands were trembling just a bit holding the glass of milk. She took a deep breath to calm herself, listening to all the jingling of gold and other jewels on her.
Part of the reason it was so easy to calm her nerves was that she was exhausted. She had never done a double reception before along with a wedding – one for close relatives and people worth impressing, and another one for everyone else at a buffet restaurant.
The groom Charlie’s parents had convinced her parents that it was a standard thing to do. Nevertheless, it was odd standing in her bridal dress with Charlie in his tuxedo top and white mundu with the gold line on his lower half.
Still, his steely gaze at the second reception had assured her that he knew what he was doing. He was so confident in greeting everyone that came – old school chums, his staff, maids and other random people. Even when a half Egyptian half Emirati friend from high school yelled something about “typical Malbari shit” on his way out, Charlie seemed not to be fazed, but maintained his smile that never wavered.
Most of Cynthia’s worries came from doubts about them being a good match. After all, he was non-denominational, whatever that meant. And she was proudly Church of South India (CSI – no relation to the show). As long as everyone was Protestant and not one of those stodgy Catholics or Orthodox, the parents had proclaimed at the engagement in chorus.
Still, someone had said that Charlie’s church allowed people to show up in Bermuda shorts for service.
Cynthia shook the thoughts out of her head as she got to the rose-marked door and almost fell over because she was about to push it open.
“You’re western-educated, idiot,” Cynthia told herself as she knocked and cleared her throat.
“Yes, come in,” a very official voice said.
She opened the door and walked into the velvet-toned room with so much candle lighting and soft tones. Cynthia almost forgot to take a breath. The room was arranged in a completely tasteful style that was the very opposite of everything Malayali at the wedding – no ostentatious gold or reds. Just soft violet with a few silver tones here and there, including on the bed.
“Are you ready for your check-er,” Charlie stopped, “I mean, are you ready for a delicious night?”
“It’s been such a lovely night already chettha,” she replied. “But this all looks so gorgeous.”
Charlie adjusted his gold spectacles. “Yes, and it shall be of good use.”
As he said this, he pushed the bed from above to test the springs.
Cynthia blushed almost as red as her saree.
“We er, didn’t even have time to really get to know one another,” she said, looking at the plush blue carpet.
“Oh yes,” Charlie said sitting on a barstool and pushing with one hand from the top of his thigh down to his knee. “I am head of the dental clinic so I take care of day-to-day business and also see a few patients daily. I also do some breast enlargements, but that’s just a hobby-“
“No, I mean, wait,” Cynthia stopped before her actual question. “Breast enlargements?”
“Yes.”
He continued smiling, with exactly half his front teeth visible. The amount of teeth shown always stayed the same.
“You do those?”
“Yes.”
A solid minute passed. Cynthia stopped waiting and decided to go back to the start.
“Why did you change from the tuxedo top and mundu into this – is that a school uniform?”
Charlie was wearing a white button-down shirt with half sleeves and navy blue trousers. Both were very small on him, so that his skin peeked through some of the spaces between buttons.
“It’s my old school uniform,” came the reply. “It reminds me of when I was top of the class.”
“Yes?” Cynthia asked after several seconds during which it became clear that he was not going to explain things further.
“Yes, it was when I was ranked first,” Charlie suddenly looked up at the ceiling with his hazel eyes and smoothed his hair at the parting on the left side. “It was when I was always Charlie 1.”
“Who was Charlie 2?” Cynthia asked, putting the milk down and thinking that maybe that was not the most important question at present.
“Oh Charlie Chacko,” Charlie shook his head. “He had dark skin unlike me, but such a jovial guy. People seemed to like him.” Suddenly he hrmphed. “But Mrs. Sukutharaman said I was Charlie 1, and he was Charlie 2 only.”
“Mrs. Sukuntharaman was a teacher?” Cynthia asked, feeling a bit faint.
She might have married a mental patient.
“Yes, she used to make circles on the blackboard with her saree end.”
“What?”
“I can show you if we had some chalk.”
“No that won’t be necessary.”
“So that was a lot that you know of me now,” Charlie said, getting up and pressing the side of his legs. “Shall we?”
“I don’t know if now is-“
“Oh, let me create the mood.”
“How…?”
She felt a bit giddy.
Suddenly, but also in a sort of serene way, classical music began to play through speakers she could not see. The tunes had an immediate magical effect. Her giddiness went away and she felt light. Also, her lady parts began to gird.
“Wow.”
“Lovely isn’t it?” Charlie asked as he put his arms behind his back and walked around the bed. “Tchaikovsky’s ‘Serenade for Strings’ from Swan Lake. Always a good choice.”
“It’s lovely,” she said, sitting down.
“Makes you feel romantic right?”
“Yes,” she had to admit.
“Good,” Charlie said decisively. “Nurse!”
A short woman walked into the room who had clearly been waiting behind the door Cynthia had also just come in through. She was holding a turkey baster.
“What-“
“Oh don’t worry,” Charlie said, trying to put his hands into his pockets but failing since they were too right. “Though Amrita is a dental nurse, she has studied all the laters on the Web about artificial inseminiation.”
“Wait, but the music-“
“Oh,” Charlie said as he closed and opened his eyes. “I don’t like the sexual things.”
And right then everything he had said made total sense.
Rainbow Kandura 